A couple of weeks ago my Mom told me my Aunt Laurel, her sister, had to go into the hospital because she had gotten this terrible cold and was not getting better. A few days and tests later they found out her heart was enlarged and they sent her to Calgary for more tests. There they found out that she needed Triple Bypass surgery...
My Aunt has had Diabetes since she was a Teen. She hasn't had too many complications, but in the last few years with age and busyness of life, it has caught up with her. She gets sick more often, and tired....but she was always there when her family needed her.
She was my quiet Aunt. She always made us something for Christmas and birthdays. She had great skill with plastic canvas. Whenever I went back to Canada, she would make sure she seen me and give me a big hug. She was my Mom's big sister.
On Thursday morning, as they were preparing her for surgery, she had a Massive Heart attack and passed away. I couldn't believe it. I was just talking to my Mom that morning about her surgery, and now she was gone.
I was sad. But it wasn't till I talked to my Dad on the phone and I asked how Mom was that it really hit me. He just said "Not Good..." and my heart broke. My Mom was hurting. She had just lost a sister suddenly, unexpectedly, and I couldn't be there for her...
I lost it...
We have been fortunate enough to not have had to deal with deaths in the family too much since we have been down here and away from family. Dustin's Grandpa Chalmers passed away 4 years ago, and its just a helpless feeling knowing that people at home are sad and hurting and you're sad, but you can't help them right now. In the whole scheme of things, I know that my Heavenly Father has a plan. I know that my Aunt is in a better place, and she's with her Mom and My Aunt Roberta. She's waiting for us to see her again, and this gives me comfort. I know my Mom knows this, too. But at the time, when you can't be there for them, the hopelessness just crashes in on your brain and you can't think straight about that. The Future, Eternity, its hard to comprehend when you are hurting in the moment. You just want to fix it right now. And when its your Mom that's hurting...
Mom is ok now. It still hurts, but perspective is more in order. You remember things you know. The knowledge that our family will be together again someday, and little by little, it starts to feel better. I am so grateful for that knowledge. And I am so grateful right now that we are moving home, so that next time (Heaven forbid it be any time soon) I can be there to help out the family. And they will be there for me...
