It's Emergency Nurses Week. I am married to one. He is amazing in so many ways, and a lot of those ways are because he is an Emergency Nurse. This is my post to him, to his colleagues past and present, and to their families...
My husband is an Emergency Nurse. He has been for 13 years, ever since he graduated from school. Except a small 2 week stint in the Cath Lab, and now the odd shift at the Dental Office, he has always worked in the ER. I have seen many changes in him throughout the years, some good and some sad, but all have shaped him into the Man he is today. And they make me appreciate what he does, day in and day out, for me and my kids and for the people he is helping.
I have watched him come home excited from a days work in Bakersfield because of something new he has learned or that a Doctor let him try. That doesn't happen as often in Canada. It's a different environment. But he still comes home and he seems 'happier' than other days. I put that in quotes because it's not quite the right word. Maybe satisfied would be better. Like things actually worked out today and made him feel like he made a difference. Those are the days I look forward to, because he is wanting to talk or hear about our days. I think sometimes those are the days that keep him going...
Now he will probably say that this is bull$#!/, that he just goes to work because its a job, and it pays the bills. And partly that is true. But I've seen the good days and the bad days come home. I've seen the hard days take its toll on him, on me and on my family. So I know that there has to be some good days to keep him going...
Those hard days are hard for him. He may not say much about it to me. But I know its happened. He shuts himself away from us for a couple of hours to 'decompress'. And I don't think he even realizes he is doing it, but I know he needs it, and I know it must have been a not so great day when he disappears when he gets home from work. I see it in his face, the tired look in his eyes and how he almost can't even handle me and the kids. But he does, because he loves us.
I've watched him come home and just hold my kids because of a patient they lost. I've watched him run into the house just to pee because he didn't get a break all day. I've watched him give up watching his kids play sports because he has to work. I've watched him plan vacations around sporting events or family functions so he can spend more time with them. I've watched him get up early to help coach one kid, go to work all day, and come home to coach another kid, sometimes just eating for the 5 minutes in between.I've watched him get up 2 hours early so he can have Christmas Morning with his kids, because he's going to have to work all day. I've gotten many a calls or texts saying he has to stay a little longer because he is needed there. I've sat waiting at home, knowing he's late because traumas don't end because your shift does. I've watched him turn a little more jaded through the years because of treating the same drunks and drug seekers over and over and not really helping. I've watched him grow into the amazing father and husband and man he is because he's not scared to sacrifice for us.
But having an ER nurse in your life is also an amazing thing. They are super calm in the weirdest situations. They also know how to really 'let go' of things and just accept life flying at them at a ridiculous pace. These are the two best things I have witnessed in my husband. But mostly for my benefit because I am a basket case with anything crazy. He is my calm, my rock. A few words of comfort and a well timed joke usually help me see through the storm and calm down. That sometimes makes me feel bad, because he has to take care of bizarre things on a regular basis and then he gets to come home to his crazy wife and kids. But he does it. Willingly taking care of my crazy so I can take care of our family. Willingly helping me run the kids all over on his days off when I'm sure he'd rather sleep in. Willingly putting aside the jaded attitude that the world out there has given him, to put on a smile and sarcastic wit to help me see the brighter things in our life.
It is a separate life he lives and keeps from us. He keeps it from us, because to someone who doesn't work in that environment, it's hard to understand. It's trauma. And it's not just trauma to the people that are sick or hurt or dying. It's trauma to the ones trying to get those people through that. It's hard to explain about watching someone die or not being able to help or feeling someone's ribs crack under your hands while you give CPR. It's hard not to bring that into your everyday life, to just let go and forget about those patients and their families that you are helping and comforting and trying to make a difference for. It's hard to not think about those things while trying to take care of your family and be there for them.
This separate life is really hard for me to accept. I feel very outside when I am with him and he is with his 'ER Family'. They have a bond with him that I will never have because of the things that they deal with and go through together just about everyday. But I am grateful for them. I am grateful he has them to support and be there for him, to understand what he has to deal with in a way that I never will be able to. I am glad that they have each other to support one another and try and make the best out of scary and crazy situations.
ER nurses put up with a lot of $#!/, both literally and figuratively. And they do it both for their families and the families that need them. They work hard on holidays and weekends and nights to make sure you have somewhere to go if you are really hurt, or even not so hurt. They learn to support each other through the crisis and then go home to their families and support them through life. They learn to get through the crazy, and go home with a good attitude, because their families need them outside of work. Er Nurses help patients get through hard things, and then go home and help their kids get through Math. They have two lives, and therefor, two families. One family helps them get through work, and the other waits for them to come home from work.
I am grateful for my ER nurse. I am grateful for his ER family that help him get through his job, so that he can come home to us. I am grateful he has that support to get him though his days, so he can come home and support me and our kids. I am grateful for the things he has learned and seen and how they have shaped him into the person he is. I am so proud of my ER Nurse and proud of everything he has done to build the life we have together.
10 months ago