Mixed Feelings as my life is crazy right now...

My life could not be more crazy and feel more out of control than right now...at least I don't want to know if it could because I don't think I could handle another bump in the road right now.

We've really enjoyed the time at home, lots of fun and happy things to blog about and I promise I will get on that, but with everything happy, everything else seems to be crazier on top of it. Do you understand what I'm saying? Good. Because I don't half the time either...

When we decided to move here, I knew it was the right thing to do. I knew it with all my heart. And every time I started to doubt, I would just say that little prayer in my heart, remember what made me so sure about this decision, and I would feel better. Even as hard as it was to leave my house and neighbors and friends, I still knew it was right.

My faith is wavering a lot lately.

As ashamed as I am to admit it, I am having a hard time remembering that 'so sure' feeling. Especially when things in our lives are flowing at almost a standstill now a days. I cannot plan for anything, and I do not function well without a plan. I hate not knowing...

Dustin's license info FINALLY came from California and he jumped right in and applied for a couple of jobs, had an interview, and...

we are still waiting...

We haven't heard anything. His brother said he knew of a job in Grande Prairie as a Nurse on the rigs. He would work 2 weeks on, 2 weeks off. But those 2 weeks on, he's 10 hours away. I don't know how I feel about this. Yes, its a job, but not what he wants, but can we really be picky right now?

Without a job, we can't get a Credit Card, we can't get a mortgage and we can't even rent. So we are still in Dustin's parents basement. Which they have said is just fine, but I am still so worried that we will really wear on their nerves with my 3 crazies running around. At the same time, the built in Babysitters are wonderful!

So we're stuck. Waiting.

I don't know if you know this, but I am not a patient person. I don't like waiting. I need a plan. I like to know what's going on with my life today, tomorrow, next week, next month. But right now, I am having such a hard time with this waiting, that I am having a hard time just living for right now and not worrying so much. Because in a small corner of my heart, I still know that this is what we need to do.

I'm reminded when my kids can ride their bikes across town to a friends and I don't worry (too much). Or when they go to swim lessons by themselves, or when my child is lost and someone finds him and knows exactly where he belongs, or when my kids are so excited to sit in Grampa or Grammas lap to watch tv, or when I know that I get to see my new nephew when they come for a visit...I don't have to wait almost a year.

So I will keep nudging that small corner of my heart. Poking it awake to help remind me of how sure I was that this is the best thing for my family. I know there is a plan for us...

I just wish I would be let in on the design of the whole thing...